Thirteen Ways of Looking at a Review

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

A Review of Hansel and Gretel with Comments

Series for social welfare 1961, fairy tale of ...
Series for social welfare 1961, fairy tale of the brothers Grimm, Hansel and Gretel :*Ausgabepreis: 20+10 Pfennig :*First Day of Issue / Erstausgabetag: 2. Oktober 1961 :*Michel-Katalog-Nr.: 371 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
I have a Google alert that pushes a variety of reviews at me. I arbitrarily grabbed the first one in a recent push from the Woburn Journal, a newspaper in Massachusetts.

 Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters Grade: ** | Posted: Tuesday, February 12, 2013 12:08 pm Produced by Will Ferrell's company, UH-OH. THE PARTICIPLE ‘PRODUCED’ MODIFIES ‘YOU.’ NOT A GOOD START you can't be blamed for thinking that 'Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters', update on the famous fairy tale of the brother and sister, who escaped the clutches of a witch by burning her up in an oven, would be a straight comedy. THIS COULD BE RIGHT. CAN I FEEL CONFIDENT THE SMALL-TOWN REVIEWER KNOWS WHAT OTHER FILMS WF HAS PRODUCED? The film does contain its fair share of laughs, but coupled with the director's style, which seems anchored by the notion that there's enough blood in any scene, REWRITE THE PREVIOUS. THINK I GET IT BUT HAD TO STOP AND CONSIDER the movie ends up being a disjointed mess. OKAY. HE’S SET UP THE ‘DISJOINTED’ BY SUGGESTING THE MOVIE CONTAINS SOME LAUGHS AND TOO MUCH BLOOD.

THE REVIEW HAS A FOCUS The story, which is sprinkled liberally with anachronisms and gizmos, GOOD POINT begins with the young siblings being led into the woods by their father and deserted there together. LOSE THE ‘TOGETHER.’ The two, naturally, IS THIS HIS WAY OF SUGGESTING FAIRYTALES AREN’T REALISTIC? DUH. stumble into a cottage made of candy, where a ghastly witch imprisons them. They figure out early on how to kill a witch - you need to burn her. And as they save their own lives, they begin a career as witch hunters. ‘AS’? RIGHT FROM THAT MINUTE?

 Their latest assignment is from the mayor of Augsburg - Figure out who is kidnapping local children. Jeremy Renner (“The Bourne Legacy”) is a great actor REALLY? I DIDN’T KNOW THE CRITICAL WORLD HAD COME TO THAT CONCLUSION, and he gives his Hansel character such a tongue-in-cheek approach that you can’t help but like him. THIS JUDGMENT WORKS FOR ME Gemma Arterton (“Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time”) is his resourceful, no-nonsense sister Gretel. YOU’VE JUDGED HIS ACTING. HOW ABOUT HER’S? Both carry high-powered weaponry (for the period in which this is set, that is) and are expert shots. She carries a sort of automatic crossbow and he carries a kind of arm cannon.

 There are no surprises, unless you count the troll, OKAY. THERE’S A TROLL COMING BUT THE SURPRISE IS NOT SPOILED as this is a straightforward exercise of pursuit and deduction with the siblings figuring out that the lost children are being prepared for a rite to be performed on the night of the blood moon. That night, all the witches in attendance will be rendered fireproof, something the head of the coven, Muriel (Famke Janssen), wants desperately to see happen. LOTS OF PLOT. DON’T THINK I WANT TO KNOW QUITE THIS MUCH. NOW ALL WE HAVE LEFT TO IMAGINE IS THE EXACT NATURE OF HER DEFEAT.

 The film takes many stabs at humor along the way. Hansel is a diabetic, as he has been hooked on sugar since his first encounter with the witch's house made of candy, FUNNY while woodcut portraits of the missing children attached to bottles of milk can't help but make you laugh. OKAY. TOOK ME THREE READS TO UNDERSTAND THE PRECEDING; REWRITE, PLEASE; I THOUGH HE MEANT PORTRAITS OF CHILDREN SHOWING THEM ATTACHED TO MILK BOTTLES…

 Don't even bring up the odd variety of witches seen during the film's climax. The Siamese twins who can kill you with their ninja moves have to be seen to be believed. THE TWO PRECEDING SENTENCES AREN’T PARTICULARY WELL WRITTEN. I HOPE THE TWO CLICHES JUMP OUT.

 The film is like pollen in the spring - all over the place, and doesn't do anyone much good. NICE. CREDIT WHERE CREDIT IS DUE Renner and Arterton are good sports throughout, playing things straight in a film they must have had reservations about, TYPICAL COMMENT IN REVIEWS: ACTORS MUST HAVE FIGURED OUT AT SOME POINT THIS WAS A BAD PROJECT while Janssen is perfectly cast, bringing the right combination of menace and sexiness to the role. She admitted in a recent interview that the only reason she took the part was to pay for a new kitchen. GOOD KNOWLEDGE

 If I can say anything positive about “Hansel & Gretel” it’s that it at least looks cool. The action scenes are pure visual spectacle. THERE’S LAZY WRITING, AND THERE’S GOOD WRITING. THE REVIEWER HAS ALREADY SAID SOME POSITIVE THINGS. HE NEEDS TO TWEAK HIS “IF’ CLAUSE
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