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| Deutsch: Cocktail (Photo credit: Wikipedia) |
Although we certainly don't read smart reviews so
that we can engage in facile, superficial conversation with people who might be
of use to us, if we ever find ourselves engaged in facile, superficial
conversation with people who might be of use to us, having read the occasional
smart review gives us a choice in the matter:
Cocktail
Party Conversation: The Etiquette of Small Talk
Posted:
03/01/10 05:10 PM ET from Huffington Post
Be Well Informed , Business Cards , Cocktail Party
Conversation , Etiquette Of Small Talk ,Meet And Greet , Potential ClientsMingle , Questions And Answers ,
The
definition of small talk includes both light conversation and idle banter.
Small talk is what people say to one another to be social. It breaks the ice.
By asking general questions and giving answers, people connect. Small talk is
not in-depth conversation, but rather an exchange of social niceties. A lot is
written about the importance of grooming and proper dress, but if we can't make
intelligent conversation it won't matter how we look once we open our mouths.
Many
people feel right home in the office but are uncomfortable in the social arena
for fear of making small talk, especially with potential clients or new
friends. If you find small talk a big challenge, it's important to realize that
all it really takes is a little preparation. George Bernard Shaw said,
"One way to be popular is to listen attentively to a lot of things you already
know."
What
are some ways to make small talk?
• Be well informed. Read
at least one daily newspaper, weekly news magazine, or Internet news page.
• A good conversation
requires more listening than talking. If you forget names, it helps to repeat
the person's name a few times in conversation.
• If self-confidence is
your issue, practice in front of a mirror. Smile, use good eye contact, and
imagine Cary Grant staring back at you.
• Before going to an
event, read the headlines of the day, including the sports page. Current events
are perfect for small talk.
• Ask the other person
about him- or herself. People are flattered to be asked and love to talk about
themselves.
• Be ready for a
conversational pause and be ready to fill the void.
• Focus on safe topics
such as current events, new restaurants, hobbies, movies, mutual family or
friends, and sports.
• Avoid anything
personal such as family issues, health issues, gossip, off-color jokes,
religion, and the cost of things.
• Learn when to exit a
conversation. You should talk to someone just long enough to be polite and not
let a three-minute conversation turn into thirty minutes. When you need to
exit, try "Please excuse me" or "It was nice talking with
you." No other explanation is necessary. A successful brief encounter
requires a few well-chosen words, good eye contact, and a few minutes of your
time. Susan Roane (www.SusanRoane.com) author of What Do I Say Next?
says: "Your objective in all encounters should be to make a good
impression and leave people wanting more." To do that, she advises:
"Be bright. Be brief. Be gone."
• If all of the above
fails, play the game that Eleanor Roosevelt did while she was First Lady. She
went down the alphabet until a subject sparked a listener's interest, starting
with A. For example, A: Airline travel is sure not what it used to be?; B: Have
you read Dan Brown's latest novel?; C: I hope the Chicago Cubs make it to the
World Series in 2010? Got the idea?
Lisa
Mirza Grotts is a recognized etiquette expert and the author of A Traveler's
Passport to Etiquette. She is a former director of protocol for the City &
County of San Francisco and the founder of The AML Group, (www.AMLGroup.com), certified etiquette and protocol
consultants. Her clients range from Cornell University and Microsoft to
Nordstrom and KPMG. She has been quoted by The Sunday Times, the San Francisco
Business Journal, the Los Angeles Times, and USA Today. She has appeared on
various radio and television stations, such as ABC, CBS, and Fox News. To learn
more about Lisa, follow her onwww.Facebook.com/LisaGrotts and www.Twitter.com/LisaGrotts.
